i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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