I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
