Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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