So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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