Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
