Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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