He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
