how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
