# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
