So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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