Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
