"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
