i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
