i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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