You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize