apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
