This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I touched a dick in church today
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
