my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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