i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
