My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
