Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
