Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
