peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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