If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We named our party play list daddy issues
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
