i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
