when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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