oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so let's talk penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
