Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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