The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize