Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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