im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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