goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
