I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize