I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
