My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize