I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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