She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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