and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize