I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
