in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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