who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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