bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize