I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I believe in your delicious
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