I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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