I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
