I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
