1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
