i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
