I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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