From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
