Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
