Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
