there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
