I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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