do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
