This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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