There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
