Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
