this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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