My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize