i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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