Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
