So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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