Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
