You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
