I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im holly from the hills drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
