My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
