margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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