Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize