I am full of burrito and curiosity
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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