i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
