just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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