tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
