Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You smell like stripper and shame
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize