Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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